Coconut Almond Cookies – A Rainy Day Treat



Let me tell you about the most glorious combination known to man. It is: the smell of a rainy day combined with the smell of cookies baking in the oven. Somehow when those two conditions align, magic happens. That’s right asshat, I said magic.

Today I decided, since last week I had a weekend fling with a bag of peanut m&m’s, I wanted to make something without the twin white devils (refined sugar and flour). I remembered this cookie that I used to make ages ago and it was on. Side note: when I said twin white devils did anyone picture the twins from matrix reloaded? Yah me neither. Moving on…

I remembered this recipe and how much they don’t taste like those sad gluten free cookies, you pretend taste like the real thing to appease your friends pretending to be Celiac but you know. You know.

Anyway, I’m not even sure if these cookies are gluten free, they’re just yummy. If you make them, you will eat the whole plate. You have been warned.


2 cups almond meal (I used Trader Joes brand)
1/4 tsp salt
1/2 tsp baking soda

6 Tbsp coconut oil (melt then measure)
1/4 cup honey
2 Tbsp water
1/2 tsp almond extract
1/4 cup coconut flour or 1/2 cup coconut flakes
2 Tbsp flax meal
1/2 cup chocolate chips

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

In a medium bowl, add almond meal, salt, and baking soda. Wisk to combine.

In a separate bowl combine the wet ingredients: coconut oil, honey, water and almond extract.

Add the wet ingredients to the dry ingredients. Once mixed completely, add coconut flour/flakes, flax meal, and then chocolate chips.

Form dough into balls. I used a tablespoon to form. Add to a parchment lined sheet. You then want to smooth them down to a flat cookie shape. These babies aren’t going to spread one bit.

Put in the oven and bake for 10-15 minutes.

They should just start to get a bit golden around the edges. That is how you know they’re ready to pull out.

Let cool if you have the will power. Whoa where’d they go. Oh you ate them. Mic drop.


Eggplant Pizza

Main Dish

Ok, I feel like I’ve lost most of you by the title. This is one of he few recipes I have that don’t use booze. Now, for the one person still reading, I’ll go on. These are actually really good. Have you ever had the pleasure of consuming a little eggplant. It can be weird. I’ve had weird eggplant. It can also be bitter or as I like to call it cat ass eggplant. I get rid of the cat ass as only one can: by sweating it. I love saying that…I sound PRETTY street when I throw down that term.

So, as it turns out. Once you get rid of the weirdness, eggplant is a perfect canvas for pizza. No, this doesn’t taste like real pizza and it probably isn’t going to make you crave real pizza less. I don’t tell Vegan lies. Live a little man. But, on those days when you’ve been eating nothing but bourbon and bacon, this will serve as an edible high five for your diet.

Ok let’s get to it:

What you’ll need:
2 Cans of diced tomatoes
4 cloves garlic
1 of a large onion
2 tablespoons of butter
1 tsp Italian Seasoning
Salt and pepper to taste
1 Tbsp Red Pepper Flakes (optional)

This is my go to sauce. I set up the ingredients above as a base, then I can add anything I want cheese, mushrooms. It works wonders in a pinch.

1 Green Bell Pepper
1 Red Bell Pepper
1/2 Onion
Splash olive oil

Mozzarella Cheese


1 Med Eggplant in 1/2 inch slices
Kosher salt
Olive oil
Parmesan cheese


1. For sauce: Add the tomatoes, garlic, onion, and butter to a medium saucepan. Diced tomatoes are usually pretty juicy. To get this to a pizza sauce consistency, you will eventually have to reduce this liquid but right now, you are going to simmer this on med heat to meld all the delicious flavors together. Sit in the back burner with top on. Let it hang out while you press on.

2. Grab a colander and put it in your sink. Take your eggplant slices and add them the colander. Liberally apply the salt all over each side of each slice. This is the sweating process for which I earned my street cred. Ok maybe not. <br />
2015/01/img_6149-0.jpg Sidebar: I actually love this process. Eggplant looks so dry. You would never believe how much moisture comes off of these bad boys.

Ok, Once you have it completely coated them in salt, Leave it for 30 minutes.

3. While you play the uber fun waiting game, dice up your bell peppers and the 1/2 of the onion. After dicing, add a splash of olive oil to a med sized skillet. Sauté the peppers and onions until peppers are tender and onions are translucent.


4. About now is a good time to check on that sauce. Grab a stick blender and blend only a couple of pulses: You want it to remain chunky so the sauce will stick. Add spices along with salt and pepper to taste. Uncover and keep on the heat. For about 10 more minutes. <br />
2015/01/img_6165.jpg 5. Ok, your eggplant should be ready to go now. Take a gander at all that liquid you wizard you.

2015/01/img_6159.jpg Rinse off all of the salt and set each slice on a paper towel. This is just to make sure you get rid of as much liquid as possible. Gooey pizza is the devil no matter what you use as dough.

2015/01/img_6160.jpg 6. Preheat you oven to 350 degrees. 7. Turn your sauce off at this point. Remove the eggplant from the paper towels and add each to a parchment lined cookie sheet. Brush with a little olive oil and stick in your oven for 5-7 minutes.

2015/01/img_6167-0.jpg 8. Pull your eggplant out of the oven, Flip each slice and now add shredded Parmesan to each slice. Return to the oven for another 5-7 minutes

2015/01/img_6169.jpg 9. Remove from the oven again and add dollop of your sauce along with your toppings and mozzarella.

2015/01/img_6178.jpg 10. Return to your oven for the last time about 5 minutes. I also hit mine with the broiler for about a minute or two as a crusty cheese is pretty necessary.

2015/01/img_6183-0.jpg Plate these babies up and mash them in your face you veggie crunching freak.



Booze and Marshmallows

DSCN0073 - Copy

So, at this bored and loving it stage of my life, I’ve created a hobby of making things that can easily be purchased at the grocery store changing it ever so slightly to validate my effort.   I found a recipe for Bourbon Marshmallows awhile back.  It quickly became my go to recipe as it hasn’t resulted in fire, loss of limbs, and generally created a perfect product.

As long as you stick with the measurements,   You can have so much fun with the flavors!   I used Kahlua and Irish Cream this time but you can sub any liquid.  Here are some ideas:

Salted Karmel Vodka and Amaretto
Kahlua and Irish Cream
Malibu and Chocolate Liqueur
Amaretto and Cinnamon Whiskey
Cinnamon Whiskey with Apple Cider
Peppermint Schnapps

OR some Non-Alcoholic options for you pansies and your lightweight kids:

Apple Cider
Mocha Mix
Coconut Milk
Chai Tea Concentrate


◦3 1/2 envelopes unflavored gelatin
◦1/2 cup cold booze (or other liquid)
◦1/2 cup cold water
◦2 cups granulated sugar
◦1/2 cup light corn syrup
◦1/4 teaspoon salt
◦2 large egg whites
◦1 tablespoon vanilla extractDirections

Grease a 9 x 13 baking pan with a spray oil of your choice.  Then sprinkle with powered sugar to coat and set aside. In your stand up mixer’s bowl, combine the water and gelatin.  Stir with a spoon until mixed and then let sit while you get the sugar mixture ready.In a medium sauce pan combine the sugar, booze, syrup and salt. Heat over low heat and whisk until sugar is dissolved, about 3-5 minutes. Turn heat up to medium-high and let sugar come to a boil. It will bubble up so keep your eye on it. Let it boil for 8-12 minutes. Measure temperature with a candy thermometer, remove from heat when it reads 240 degrees F. The mixture will appear to be a light brown color.

Gently pour sugar mixture into the stand up mixing bowl over top of the gelatin. Mix on low until the ingredients are blended. Then, mix on high and beat for for 6-8 minutes. Mixture should grow in size and will resemble marshmallow fluff.

IMG_6058 - Copy

Grab a separate bowl, add the egg whites, and beat until stiff peaks form. Add them to your marshmallow fluff along with the vanilla.  Mix until combined.

Pour marshmallow mixture into the greased pan you prepared in the beginning.  It will be very sticky. Remove as much as you can, then spray a spatula with non-stick spray and smooth top surface of pan. Dust powdered sugar on top and let sit 3-5 hours until firm. Once firm, turn the pan upside down on a cutting board to release marshmallow rectangle. Cut into squares or other fun shapes and ENJOY!


I love having these in coffee or hot chocolate.  They last for awhile and make a great subtle flavoring to each sip.  I’ve also packed these in mason jar on top of hot chocolate powder as a fun gift.

DSCN0070 - Copy



Flavored Vodka Sauce and Pasta

Main Dish
So, I’m not sure who to thank for all these flavored vodka options we have nowadays: hipsters, fatties like me who get a kick out of tasting the chemical versions of everything, or the alcohol companies trying to get the recently turned 21 crowd on a 12 step plan as soon as possible.
Regardless of the who,  I have accumulated quite a collection of these weird concoctions.   I’d like to pretend it is because I entertain frequently but it’s more because I like to flavor my vodkas based on the people I interact most with that day:  Oswald from accounting…you are one crazy dude…I’ll be having a little Loopy today.  Man and me day?  Whipped Cream.  Babysitting kids?   Cotton Candy.   It’s fun…try it out.
Anyway,  I found myself on this particular Saturday wanting a delicious Penne with Vodka Sauce.   I couldn’t remember the recipe I used previously that made an amazing saucey specimen.  So I opted for this easy one HERE .
One problem,  hopefully you can guess it based on the Prelude.  Sarah Palin lovers you’re probably having some trouble,  I’ll help you out.  I only had Cotton Candy,  Root Beer,  and about 1/4 a cup of Whipped Vanilla vodka.   Right now you’re probably thinking:
“Ew,  so just make something else.”
Why no, reader who obviously makes better decisions than I, I’m not a freaking quitter.   So,  here’s the recipe I used to make one terribly awesome (arguably more terrible than awesome) Flavored Vodka Pasta Sauce.  This recipe is meant for you to use whatever you have in the cabinet.  They key is to taste, taste, taste…
DSCN0028 - Copy
2 Tbsp. Butter (or margarine)
1/4 lb Chopped Pancetta
1/3 cup Booze (I used Root Beer and Whipped Vanilla)
1/2 cup Heavy Whipping Cream (or Half and Half for lower fat version)
1 15oz can of tomato sauce
1/2 cup grated Parmesan Cheese
1 small clove of garlic (minced)
1 Tbsp. Fresh Parsley (optional)
Red Pepper flakes to taste (optional)


1.Bring a large pot of lightly salted water to a boil. Add pasta and cook for 8 to 10 minutes or until al dente; drain.

DSCN0029 - Copy

2.Meanwhile, melt butter or margarine in a large skillet over medium heat. Add pancetta, and saute until lightly browned. Add booze and stir until it is reduced by half, about 4 to 5 minutes. Stir in tomato sauce, garlic, red pepper flakes, and cream. Simmer uncovered for 10 to 12 minutes. Stir every few minutes.

DSCN0035 - Copy

3.You will have to taste it at this point and make sure you’ve overpowered any of the weirdness in your booze.  Traditionally, vodka sauce does not have garlic in it however, it is a nice addition to overpower the sweetness of most flavored vodkas.

4.Stir in pasta, and heat through. Serve with Parmesan cheese.

I actually really enjoyed this sauce.  Considering what went in, it came out lovely.  I didn’t have Penne so I used some fun shaped pasta I had sitting the pantry.  The idea is to use what you have and not to make an extra trip to the store.

Last mandatory ingredient, a shot of that Root Beer Vodka, because you are a culinary mastermind thrifty genius.


Green Avocado Spread/Sauce/Dip


DSCN0061 - Copy

I recently had the pleasure of spending a week around adorable twin 2 year olds. From the 2×2 I learned many lessons. A couple include: 1-Kids are very skeptical of green hued foods and 2- a child can fit through a doggie door if he has enough gumption. The second one really isn’t related to this post but hopefully made you chuckle as much as I did watching it happen.

Anyway, thinking back when I was just a young Lukewarm Jossy Buns, I never really took to green foods. Particularly the Avocado. Perhaps the weirdly banana like texture or complex taste. There was something that just screamed “Spit me out and never look back!”

Fast forward to today and I can honestly say I LOVE the avocado. Sliced on a salad or mixed up as some tasty guac, there are so many tasty applications! I’ve even used it aiding the texture of a smoothie and in desserts (more on that later).

So, I recently read a blog on the popularity of Avocado toast followed by a Google search and boy am I late to the party! How or why this is a thing now is unknown but here is a recipe for you to do whatever you like with. I’m not sure I’d call it guac but I ate this round with some yummy rolled tortilla chips. The next day, I had some on toast with a fried egg. Shoot, grab a spoon and just go to town if you like. The only thing I can tell you is that it is freaking delicious.


2 Med avocados
1/2 tsp. of cumin
1/8 tsp. white pepper
1/4 tsp. granulated garlic
Salt to taste (I used Celtic)
2 Tbsp. minced yellow onion
1/2 tsp. of Lime Juice


DSCN0057 - CopyDSCN0058 - Copy
Peel and pit your 2 avocados. Put in a medium bowl and mash to chunky consistency.

Add remaining ingredients and stir until mixed well enough for however you are going to use it.

Lastly, take my cue and devour it like it is your last day on earth. You’re welcome.


Hello World



My life thus far:  30-something, work from home, no kids,  fur kids lazy AF, and pretty much have made it rain at any online store you can think of.  I’d say the only exception would be any online adult store.   The problem isn’t what you’d think it would be. The problem is that if you order one item from them, they assume that it is ok to send uncovered smut to your home at anytime thereafter.   I now can’t look my mail man in the eye.   Thank you unnamed adult store for assuming I’m a shameless human being for buying one…  wow,  I’m off topic.  Ok.

So here’s my blog.   It’s not going to be much and probably won’t have much traffic but as I mentioned at the beginning,  I don’t have much else going on.  WTH else am I going to do with my time.   This isn’t going to be a blog full of culinary prowess…I’m pretty much one step away from making all of my meals on a George Foreman.   I just do a lot of weird things and would like to document them mostly to win disagreements with my boyfriend.   Anyhow,  I guess we are in this together now so,  here goes. ::cheers::